My Mom (Part 2)

Lunch time, so steal some time to blog. Few nights ago I went home to mom's place for dinner. During dinner, I sat right next to mom cos Oscar insist he wants to sit next to me and my dad... aiya that is not important. But as mom was scooping one big dallop of 'sengkuang' (those stuffing usually ppl use to make popiah but my mom cooked it and we just eat with lettuce)... I noticed something.... Mom's hand is full of green viens which is like very visible now. From the last time I hold her hand (which was during one of our shopping trips few months ago), I did't noticed her hand was that 'old' looking. Then I continue with my meal, and while chatting with dad and Oscar adding a few of his baby language and asking 'why the fish got sauce', 'why no cut vege small small', 'why kung kung {my dad} eat rice no soup soup' and many more why's... I turn over and saw something again which I didn't noticed in my many days spent with mom; I see wrinkles around the corner of her eyes... I see brown spots, spot of aging and also freckles on my mom's face... quite a lot of grey hair too... Suddenly, I felt that my mom has aged like 10 years!!! Aged like 10 freaking long years!!!!

All of a sudden, I felt so guilty. Guilty in a sense that I see mom everyday cos I need to drop Oscar off in the morning and pick Oscar up in the evening and I didn't notice this. This "Touch n Go" visit of mine at mom's place does not allow me enuff time to really 'venture' into mom's dailies. I called sometimes during lunch time but am always afraid I will wake Oscar up on his afternoon nap cos whenever the phone rings at home, Oscar will INSIST that he picks up the phone!! Yes, our house has got a 3 year old RECEPTIONIST!. I use to go over to mom's place on Saturdays but for the past few months, being very lazy me and also things to do in my own house, I didn't go visit mom for our usual Saturday dim sum or MegaMall shopping session.

I felt guilty for not being there for mom when she needed someone to hear her gossips about my aunty and uncle.... I felt guilty for always being late when I said I will be early, I felt guilty for mom's last minute cancellation meeting with her siblings because the siblings of hers like to meet like odd hours like 3 - 4 pm weekdays!! No need to work meh me.... I felt guilty that I show long and black face when mom takes Oscar to town with my aunty.............(scared she cannot handle my son ma..) Oh my dear God, I have alot of guilt and its like all over my ugly looking face!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I hate this kind of feeling....

I know I will sound strange cos I always decline friends gathering with the reason I want to spend time with my mom.... But, if I dont spend my quality time with the most important woman in my life, who and when should I spend time with? I know I am bad cos when mom critic my cooking I flicked and said I LIKE... (during her stay at my house when he house underwent a minor reno), but all she did was to ask me not to add too much salt or too much oyster sauce... come to think of it, its damn salty too the food I cooked for my family......

As I was writing this post, this just reminded me of a "good friend" of mine whom she love to spend time with her mom but can't take her mom's ranting sometimes... But, God made woman like that wat... rant rant rant... grumble grumble grumble... All these MOMMYies need is our attention and they feel lonely... lonely cos their husband ran out of conversation with them (hey mom and dad celebrated their 30th anniversary lately) or their son is too busy with their own girlfriend or family.......... so, left back what they called DAUGHTERs... that is us...

Anyway, no time to feel guilty now, time to compensate back those lost time with mom... must start to plan my weekend early liow!!! Ha ha, now only begining of the week, talk about weekend liow.... sei mou me... Thank you for reading my rant.... I feel better now...